What’s in your wintery family caregiving forecast? You’ve been a family caregiver for a while but now you’re heading into some rough weather.
I can tell you firsthand that during this season of caregiving, the days can seem cold and dark, just like the weather outside. So naturally, we want to stay wrapped in warm blankets that shut out caregiving responsibilities. But you can’t because you’re waiting for the other “snowshoe” to drop, and it always does.
Winter Storm Caregiver Warning
Your other snowshoe might be a new or escalating illness, new medication (and its side effects), a fall, a visit to the emergency room, or even a hospital stay. All of this happens in the life of a caregiver and their care recipient, but it tends to blizzard in this deeper season of caregiving. So be sure to keep your metaphorical snowshoes on. You’re going to need them.
Snowshoes serve a purpose. They are meant to keep us from getting stuck so we can continue the journey.
Anticipating the Caregiving Storm
For the caregiver, you may have injured yourself while caregiving, had to leave your job to care for your loved one’s increasing needs, or used up all your vacation time for your loved one’s doctor’s appointments. (I’m raising my hand to all of these.) And by now, you’re likely experiencing the heavy covering of anticipatory grief. 
“Anticipatory grief is defined as grief that occurs before death or loss. You may be grieving several losses, not just one.” (verywellhealth.com)
Grief and caregiving often go hand in hand. While caregiving, it’s possible to grieve the loss of a loved one while still caring for them every day, but it can be so much more. We grieve the job we had to give up for them, lost time with other family and friends we can never get back, and the life we didn’t get to live because we became a caregiver.
Not Getting Stuck in the Caregiving Storm
This season of family caregiving can feel more like the Arctic than a winter wonderland. You’re tired, sad, angry, and maybe even scared of what you must do next–it’s that other snowshoe again. Be hopeful, even now, because there are ways to stay warm in this winter of caregiving.
First, remember that you are not alone.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
— Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
Then prepare because having a plan, however loose it may be at the start, can keep you from getting stuck (just like snowshoes) in a flurry of hard emotions (click here for more on handling hard emotions). I’m not saying it will be smooth sledding, but focusing on practical things (and getting them done) may make this time more manageable for you and your care recipient, so be sure to include them in the planning process, if possible. Here are a few things to consider:
- Try working with family or a coach to help determine the next steps before you have to take them.
- Is it time for hospice
- Relocate Mom to your house or a care facility
- Plan a funeral
- Declutter Dad’s place little by little
- Sell the house
- Bring on extra help
- Or pause and wait
Eventually, your care recipient’s struggle will end, and so will your watch as an active caregiver. In the meantime though, never stop caring for yourself, take time to process the grief, and when you’re ready, reach out to friends and family. (Reconnecting won’t be difficult when you stay engaged with them while caregiving.)
And remember…spring always follows winter.
Click here for a free download and more on the seasons of caregiving from the Caregiver Strong Podcast.
Snowflake Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
